Leading Alone!

Lately, I have been pondering upon the common saying that many leaders quote- "It is lonely at the top" which makes me wonder, why so? On one hand, I agree with this point as a matter of truth (and experience) while on the other hand, I feel it is not meant to be that way. The three main questions in my mind are; Where is everyone else?, What are they doing (at the bottom)? and Why don't they 'visit' the top? Many would imagine that as a leader, they would be around so many people- engaging in lots of chat and relating at high levels. Let us consider-

Where is everybody else?

In a practical sense, water will always flow from a point of high pressure to a point of low pressure, as observed in a pipe. Naturally, the high pressure from a tap will push the water through the pipe towards the open end which is a point of release. Likewise, I view leadership as being an intense point caused by the desire to succeed, and 'non-leaders' will tend to move away from such 'pressure points' (because of the strain it places on them) to 'release points'. At the point of release, or at the bottom, they can focus more on other matters that may be of personal interest/concern and maybe also require little effort. Many cannot withstand the intensity of leadership hence the reason why it can be lonely at the top. Having recently been a director for a theater production, it dawned on me how much, as a leader, I demanded performance and commitment from the acting company. In as much as I depended on their abilities (and energy), I still expected quality performance, hence the pressure to deliver. I have gradually learnt that it is only when the leader motivates the group (steps back and ensures others shine) and reminds them about the goal or point of success that the rest will follow nearer and have a closer working relationship.

What are they doing?

For the theatre production above, I decided to delegate duties and explain the objective of each role as best as I could. This gave me room to think only about what was necessary for my role as well as interact with others. I observed that people wanted to be associated with success and accepted the challenge to work towards this goal. In other words, the rest of the team is busy wondering when you (the leader) will ask for their opinion and try their methods. Without the opportunity to be part of the success story, no one would really want to associate themselves with the leader. They would instead engage in other more fulfilling activities on the side to bring them personal satisfaction and success. Most likely, such activities will bring a conflict due to low productivity due to under-utilization of potential. It is important therefore to clearly share the objectives at the beginning and invite contributions from the rest of the team as to how to achieve them. Simply following instructions without any meaningful contribution is a short term strategy and can be quite boring. If meaning is not part of the process, it could get the rest of the group easily sidetracked.

Why don't they 'visit' the top?

I believe that humans are relational beings and we seek acceptance and affirmation of some kind from others, especially from leaders or influential people. Often, leaders get so goal/task oriented that they forget this fundamental part of the human psyche. This does not mean that as a leader there is no place for exercising firmness on issues however, we need to discern when it's most necessary. This usually calls for tact and an objective mind on the part of the leader. I usually use a model I learnt from a lecturer friend of mine that I apply in a conflict situation. It simply suggests that you can either choose to;
(1) force your opinion on others or
(2) avoid the conflict altogether or
(3) accommodate the other person's view (usually opposing) or
(4) collaborate by including all sides/views in a conflict
The middle ground is compromise. This is illustrated in the diagram below.

Conflict & Transformation chart

There is a place and time for each of the various situations though a leader ought to consider focusing more on a collaborative approach with his/her team. From my experience, in employing this approach you are more likely to receive many more visits at the top.

In conclusion, I have found that in many instances, the people I have led are more gifted than I am in a particular skill set, though they somehow need a leader to bring harmony and eliminate chaos. As I appreciate my limitations as one individual and the differing circumstances, I am fully aware how leadership can be lonesome. This therefore calls for a willingness and readiness to work alone in some cases. Leading alone is for the most part inevitable, though it can be mitigated by giving people a challenge rather than pressurizing the team, giving meaning to their work and encouraging collaboration with one another.